The thoughts of an amateur poet…me!!

Greetings people.

Finally I found something that I wished to share with all of you who reads my post. This is something that is usually reserve for my best friends…however, given the situation in which I can’t actually meet them nowadays…I decided to post my problem here. I find this problem a little disturbing for me even though I have no desire to do it. Whether I should go to a psychiatrist or not…it depends. Anyway, the problem is…I am fascinated by death. MY death in particular.

Recently…I had a very interesting dream. I dreamt that I was in a building. And I was not alone. I was with hundreds of people and each one of us are armed with a rifle, standing along the corridors of that building which in turn is facing another building with lots of ARMED people there. Before I knew it, we started firing at one another. Our uniforms strikingly resembles the uniform during the Napoleonic Wars. I remembered killing a few people. Then our commander shouted orders to fire at will and we did. Before I knew it, the battle was over. The enemy retreated and it happened. I felt a stinging pain at my abdomen. I look down and saw that I was shot. I was shot. I could see blood pouring out of my abdomen. Blood started to come out from my mouth…and I fell down to the ground.

Then I saw somebody was rushing towards me. It was not the medics, it was instead my friend. My good friend, Zhe Choon. I could see that he was panic. Who wouldn’t be when your best friend lay on the ground, bleeding to death? He shouted and shouted for the medic to come and I said something to him. By then I can’t even hear my voice. I can’t even hear his voice then. He kept nodding and his lips moving, but not a word could be heard from it. And finally I woke up the minute I blacked out in my dream.

Since then people, I have imagined my own death in many many ways. Most of it was getting shot at. Some include being involve in a horrible accident. And yesterday, I imagined jumping down from the highest floor of KLCC and imagined hitting the floor with hundreds of people watching it. After all my imagined accidents happened, I imagined being wheeled into the ICU. Depending on life support machines and doctors annoucing to my family that I have no hope of surviving left. My family was there crying their eyes out. And I also imagined what would MY friends, my old friends and new friends, react when they heard of me being shot, or got involved in an accident. I imagined that through this "accidents" I will be able to weed out the hopeless friends. Friends I do not need in life. Maybe that’s why I am fascinated by my own death. To see whether I had any true friends…coz I feel…very…very lonely these days. Its as though…I am not alive. I feel that my existence is…insignificant.

So what do you think? Am I crazy? Or do YOU see a man who’s fighting a losing battle against loneliness? I kindly appreciate all REASONABLE feedback…not sarcastic ones and stupid ones. Now I shall leave and imagine being shot at like a target practice…ciao and thank you for your time. 

Greetings people.

Yep. Another boring week gone without me doing anything fun. Its my third week of my semester holidays! And I have done nothing. With virtually all my friends busy, I am stuck at home. Plus I hate going out alone, so going out to pass some time is out of question already. One of the few things I really look forward is going to my guitar class. At least I am doing something. And speaking of guitar, I can’t play guitar the whole day. I can play for a few hours non stop, but not the whole day. Tried that once…and somehow I felt that there’s splinters in my fingers. Sigh.

I am currently a living thing with nothing much to do except eat, sleep, play my guitar till my fingers hurt, play com games till my eyes sore, and that’s it. Sounds fun? I think not. Sigh. Where are all my friends when I need them? Its rather ironic in a sense that when I am busy, some of them will be free. And when I am free now, they are all busy. Fate has dealt me a bad hand. I should be blogging about how great today was (my friends and I were suppose to see The Devil Wears Prada today) instead here I am, blogging about how boring this week turned out to be and I am playing solitaire (You know, the card game) at the same time. How great my life is.

The most amazing thing just happened just now. I found myself singing a Russian song (I was simply singing along as the is played in my com). That must be the most fantastic thing ever happened. Actually it happened many times already. Arghhhhh!! I am so ever bored!! If my holidays were to last a few more weeks, be prepare to see my death in the headlines of EVERY NEWSPAPER as I will snatch a guard’s shotgun and shoot myself in the head in front of the public. You are all welcome to my funeral if that ever happen. Sigh. Well, I’d best be going off right now. I have nothing more to write. See ya all.

P.S: I am kidding about shooting myself in the head. Perhaps I will just jump off a very tall building. Hmmm….not a bad way to commit suicide.

Hello everybody!

Today was supposed to be THE day. The thrill of meeting up, finally, with all my best friends, gripped me with such fervour that I couldn’t sleep yesterday at all. I was actually relishing the thought of meeting up with my friends, to engage in various topics that I thought up (maybe that’s why I couldn’t sleep), to laugh ourselves silly over silly and playful remarks and many more.

I thought that the idea of having a cuppa with my friends, sitting around and chatting idly for maybe an hour or so for just one day, would appeal to them as we are old friends. Apparently I was wrong. Some thought that the very idea of doing that is a waste of time and it would be better to stay at home. So they suggested that we watch a movie instead. Fine. Watching movie is also nice. Who said it isnt?

However, I was quite puzzled as to why some of them don’t really like to sit around and chit chat for awhile. I mean c’mon man, we’re good friends, and even though you might have chatted with the other online, but I am sure topics will pop out like mushrooms. And I have always thought that face to face communication is very unique in a sense of the spontaneity of the conversation and to hear each other’s laughter, facial expression and etc…is way better than chatting online and smsing. Anyway, different people, different opinion on what is the best way to communicate. So I can’t really argue with that.

So off we go and watch a movie. And to be honest, it was simply a killer. I mean just sitting there and watching it was torturing me. The beginning was a bore, then I was lost already. It was a complete waste of time and also money. And that has made me very frustrated plus also guilty for wasting my friends’ time and money as well as I was the one who chose the movie. Some of them had the expression that shouts out; "What the hell am I doing here?", "This is a complete waste of time and money." , "I think I didnt come also better." Maybe it’s just me but that’s what I saw in their faces…sigh…it saddens me so much.

The only compensation for today was that we all got together. It was certainly nice to see all of us together again like old times. It just means so much to me. Anyway, it’s time for me to stop here. Oh yeah, just remember, if you plan to watch a movie titled Miami Vice, please for the love of God, don’t you ever watch it! Unless you want to see Gong Li only. It’s the movie we watched and it was boring and dull. But it’s your choice…so watch it at your own risk! Muahahaha!!