Fed up with loneliness…
Hello there.
The title says it all. I m fed up with loneliness. Even here with my family right now doesnt change much. They don’t seem to be much of a conversationalist. I tried talking to them, try to be chatty, backfired when they didnt really pay me any attention at all. My brother doesnt seem to be very good in chatting with his own brother as well. I hate to say this but at times he seems to be a stranger to me rather than a brother.
Even now, turning to music doesnt really help. I had no idea why but whenever I play it seems that nobody actually listens. I dont really mind at first. Sometimes when I played in the study room when my dad was around, he would always ask the same damn thing: Why can’t you go out and play like your brother instead of playing guitar? The thing is, I gave up on sports already. Its a good thing that he cares but the thing is….he know already that I gave up on sports…I couldnt stand all the masochism there all the discrimination to those who can’t play well. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SCOLD ME EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW I AM A NEWBIE! N please k, for the love of god…..this is not going to steel my resolve and actually spur me into trying to improve, to some people yes, to the other no. It actually lower their confidence. So please, never think everyone can be motivated by scolding. Hell no.
Anyway, back to my situation, even in college, I noticed that this year, a lot of people are inexplicably avoiding me. I had no idea why, I certainly didnt aggravate anyone, I always smile and talk to them nicely, well most of them. Some exceptional cases really gets into my nerves. I am actually very sick of college, I am sick of the people around me.
I m now considering selling my handphone and never own one for my entire life again as it seems that whenever I send anyone a message, it seems that they are soo reluctant to reply. Some of them I can understand, but at times it really can get into my nerves. Plus, I always message them, most of the time actually, and do they message me out of the blue? N-O! NO!! So why should I own a handphone?
Anyway, back to the music part…why? Why it couldnt really provide me with the necessary company. Because, MY BLOODY GUITAR COULDN’T PERFORM PROPERLY!!! For some reason, whenever I hold the guitar in my teacher’s place it felt sooo different from the one I have. It frustrates the hell out of me most of the time. Sigh. N i have no money to get a new one….still very very far from actually reaching my goal of getting a handmade one. That also my father wouldnt even want to give me at least 100 to lighten my burden.
U know wat? Since I m considering selling my phone, I might as well consider not logging in for a month or so and see how. Maybe a few months. I can live without internet. Besides, what’s there to do over the net? I want to see how many people actually would call me or message me to see whether I am actually ok or alive for that matter. Well, its gonna start soon. I mean why bother going to the net. As if a lot of people actually get excited when i logged in. Hah! That would be the day lah. Well then, tata then. I am off to be really disconnected once and for all. Let’s see if any of you people actually cares.
