The thoughts of an amateur poet…me!!

Greetings people.

Finally I found something that I wished to share with all of you who reads my post. This is something that is usually reserve for my best friends…however, given the situation in which I can’t actually meet them nowadays…I decided to post my problem here. I find this problem a little disturbing for me even though I have no desire to do it. Whether I should go to a psychiatrist or not…it depends. Anyway, the problem is…I am fascinated by death. MY death in particular.

Recently…I had a very interesting dream. I dreamt that I was in a building. And I was not alone. I was with hundreds of people and each one of us are armed with a rifle, standing along the corridors of that building which in turn is facing another building with lots of ARMED people there. Before I knew it, we started firing at one another. Our uniforms strikingly resembles the uniform during the Napoleonic Wars. I remembered killing a few people. Then our commander shouted orders to fire at will and we did. Before I knew it, the battle was over. The enemy retreated and it happened. I felt a stinging pain at my abdomen. I look down and saw that I was shot. I was shot. I could see blood pouring out of my abdomen. Blood started to come out from my mouth…and I fell down to the ground.

Then I saw somebody was rushing towards me. It was not the medics, it was instead my friend. My good friend, Zhe Choon. I could see that he was panic. Who wouldn’t be when your best friend lay on the ground, bleeding to death? He shouted and shouted for the medic to come and I said something to him. By then I can’t even hear my voice. I can’t even hear his voice then. He kept nodding and his lips moving, but not a word could be heard from it. And finally I woke up the minute I blacked out in my dream.

Since then people, I have imagined my own death in many many ways. Most of it was getting shot at. Some include being involve in a horrible accident. And yesterday, I imagined jumping down from the highest floor of KLCC and imagined hitting the floor with hundreds of people watching it. After all my imagined accidents happened, I imagined being wheeled into the ICU. Depending on life support machines and doctors annoucing to my family that I have no hope of surviving left. My family was there crying their eyes out. And I also imagined what would MY friends, my old friends and new friends, react when they heard of me being shot, or got involved in an accident. I imagined that through this "accidents" I will be able to weed out the hopeless friends. Friends I do not need in life. Maybe that’s why I am fascinated by my own death. To see whether I had any true friends…coz I feel…very…very lonely these days. Its as though…I am not alive. I feel that my existence is…insignificant.

So what do you think? Am I crazy? Or do YOU see a man who’s fighting a losing battle against loneliness? I kindly appreciate all REASONABLE feedback…not sarcastic ones and stupid ones. Now I shall leave and imagine being shot at like a target practice…ciao and thank you for your time. 

Greetings people.

Yep. Another boring week gone without me doing anything fun. Its my third week of my semester holidays! And I have done nothing. With virtually all my friends busy, I am stuck at home. Plus I hate going out alone, so going out to pass some time is out of question already. One of the few things I really look forward is going to my guitar class. At least I am doing something. And speaking of guitar, I can’t play guitar the whole day. I can play for a few hours non stop, but not the whole day. Tried that once…and somehow I felt that there’s splinters in my fingers. Sigh.

I am currently a living thing with nothing much to do except eat, sleep, play my guitar till my fingers hurt, play com games till my eyes sore, and that’s it. Sounds fun? I think not. Sigh. Where are all my friends when I need them? Its rather ironic in a sense that when I am busy, some of them will be free. And when I am free now, they are all busy. Fate has dealt me a bad hand. I should be blogging about how great today was (my friends and I were suppose to see The Devil Wears Prada today) instead here I am, blogging about how boring this week turned out to be and I am playing solitaire (You know, the card game) at the same time. How great my life is.

The most amazing thing just happened just now. I found myself singing a Russian song (I was simply singing along as the is played in my com). That must be the most fantastic thing ever happened. Actually it happened many times already. Arghhhhh!! I am so ever bored!! If my holidays were to last a few more weeks, be prepare to see my death in the headlines of EVERY NEWSPAPER as I will snatch a guard’s shotgun and shoot myself in the head in front of the public. You are all welcome to my funeral if that ever happen. Sigh. Well, I’d best be going off right now. I have nothing more to write. See ya all.

P.S: I am kidding about shooting myself in the head. Perhaps I will just jump off a very tall building. Hmmm….not a bad way to commit suicide.

Hello everybody!

Today was supposed to be THE day. The thrill of meeting up, finally, with all my best friends, gripped me with such fervour that I couldn’t sleep yesterday at all. I was actually relishing the thought of meeting up with my friends, to engage in various topics that I thought up (maybe that’s why I couldn’t sleep), to laugh ourselves silly over silly and playful remarks and many more.

I thought that the idea of having a cuppa with my friends, sitting around and chatting idly for maybe an hour or so for just one day, would appeal to them as we are old friends. Apparently I was wrong. Some thought that the very idea of doing that is a waste of time and it would be better to stay at home. So they suggested that we watch a movie instead. Fine. Watching movie is also nice. Who said it isnt?

However, I was quite puzzled as to why some of them don’t really like to sit around and chit chat for awhile. I mean c’mon man, we’re good friends, and even though you might have chatted with the other online, but I am sure topics will pop out like mushrooms. And I have always thought that face to face communication is very unique in a sense of the spontaneity of the conversation and to hear each other’s laughter, facial expression and etc…is way better than chatting online and smsing. Anyway, different people, different opinion on what is the best way to communicate. So I can’t really argue with that.

So off we go and watch a movie. And to be honest, it was simply a killer. I mean just sitting there and watching it was torturing me. The beginning was a bore, then I was lost already. It was a complete waste of time and also money. And that has made me very frustrated plus also guilty for wasting my friends’ time and money as well as I was the one who chose the movie. Some of them had the expression that shouts out; "What the hell am I doing here?", "This is a complete waste of time and money." , "I think I didnt come also better." Maybe it’s just me but that’s what I saw in their faces…sigh…it saddens me so much.

The only compensation for today was that we all got together. It was certainly nice to see all of us together again like old times. It just means so much to me. Anyway, it’s time for me to stop here. Oh yeah, just remember, if you plan to watch a movie titled Miami Vice, please for the love of God, don’t you ever watch it! Unless you want to see Gong Li only. It’s the movie we watched and it was boring and dull. But it’s your choice…so watch it at your own risk! Muahahaha!!

Greetings people.

I’ve finally composed a poem that actually rhymes!! Finally!! So I’d like to share it with you all. Tell me what you think. I would say there’s something wrong in this poem. Anyway it is titled: The world as I see it.

The world as I see it.

The world as I see it,
Is no more the world that I’ve know,
Many a thing plagues it,
For all I know.

The world as I see it,
War, disease, famine, corruption,
Are among many things that plagues it,
Inadvertently driving the world to the brink of self-destruction.

The world as I see it,
Its allures lost and many a people living in fear,
And many of them refuse to admit it,
And with guns and bombs they unwittingly revealed their fear.

The world as I see it,
The grasp of morality on humanity,
Is slowly but surely,
Losing its hold on many and those who once uphold it.

The world as I see it,
People with different background and living in different environment,
Is set to bring about only conflict,
As the understanding in each other is not entirely present.

The world as I see it,
For the only hope that humanity can save itself,
From their own consequences and ignorance,
Lies in we, you, I and everyone.

By yours truly,

C.W.Kit.

As you notice, the last paragraph or whatever you call it, does not rhyme. Hehe. I am out of ideas on how to make it rhyme. Anyway, feel free to send me feedback on how is it. I welcome all comments except exceptionally stupid ones. I will post my next poem soon. Just wait for it. Byee.

Greetings people.

I know that you’ve most probably heard of this line before but frankly I AM lonely. Just yesterday, I meet up with my best buddy, Siva and we chatted idly for hours. And as pathetic as I might sound, that was THE longest conversation I’ve ever had in months. The feeling was fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. To release everything that’s in my mind, issues that I’ve kept within myself, to just pour out whatever I had inside is AMAZING! A sense of relief just overwhelmed me…something I have not felt for months also. =)

I’ve not chatted with such enthusiasm yesterday for months!! In college, everybody doesn’t even bother listening to me. Actually most of them. They kept talking and talking…i dont even have the chance to talk. Yeah well, it’s better to have somebody beside me to keep me company than to be alone. However, the conversation is unequaled. They talk, I listen and listen and listen and gave very little comments. And when I thought it’s my turn to talk, they resume talking. *Sigh* And at home, my parents…never really express any interest in what I said. I dont think they do. If they do, why couldnt they listen properly?? They did not look at me or even act as if they are listening. That’s not listening. That’s pure ignorance.

The only people I feel that ever listened to me are my best friends from my secondary school. I have friends at college but no best friends. To my best friends, you all have my deepest gratitude for listening to me, for being my best friends. Thank you Siva, Sue, Chris, Bryan and of course how could I forget about you Zhe Choon? Thank you all of you. Who knows what might happen to me if I’ve no friends at all? I might be dead or worse…living just for the sake of living.

My exams are finally over!! What a relief it is to me!! I think I did not get a good nite sleep at all ever since my exam started. No wonder my college mates kept commenting that I looked very stress up and tired. Hehehe.

Anyway, to be frank with u all, I’ve no idea what to write for my blog. Well, I think I will start with…I’ve been wondering lately…=)

I’ve been wondering lately…why is my love life so pathetic? I mean…it IS in a pathetic state. So like someone who has nth better to do, I examined what d heck is going on with my love life. =) And voila! I’ve come up with some conclusions. First, whenever I fell in love, the girl tend to be…TAKEN! It is so frustrating. When u find someone whom u think is d best, d greatest so far u have ever met and of course d most beautiful =P…she’s taken!! It just gets into my nerves sometimes but now…I’ve learn to accept it.

Secondly…girls…tend to perceive me wrongly. Ok. Maybe it is how I make myself to be perceive by others but…I still dont understand. Why didnt they make d effort to TRY to understand me? It still bothers me. And please I did make d effort to make myself to be understood and it somehow has backfired. Yes I know I can be boring at times. Maybe if they all empathize me instead of criticizing me or judge me.

Let me tell u all a little something about me…I am a traditional guy who has principles…yes! U heard me! Principles! Those are the laws that I will abide to. I only break some of them when deem necessary. However, d necessity has yet to come. i LOVE OLDIES. What’s d matter with that? Ok…for this part…it applies to all…not only girls. Sigh.

Ok. So maybe I AM complaining only becoz recently…I have fell in love with someone but…but…she’s in a relationship already. She’s someone that I felt to be….irreplaceable. Sigh. Plus when someone suggest I take advantage if her relationship is not…in a very good situation irks me. Where is d morals of d human being? Where is it?? I believe it has flew away…far far away. I know that in life…taking advantage is almost everything.

Oppurtunity doesnt comes easily…but to take advantage of someone…it’s like I am manipulating that person’s emotion at that time for my own gain. To tell that someone I love that her bf is bad and stuff like that is like I am cheating myself…coz i dont even know her bf! How can I pass judgement just like that? Who am I to do that even if she tells me her bf is bad…there must be a reason. But….I love her a lot and lately…I’ve been wondering whether I should let her go becoz my chances with her are extremely slim or there’s no chance at all. =(

Well…I am done for the day. Sigh. Well…time for me to go. Feedback are appreciated. Have a nice day. Ciao!

Hi everyone!!

How many of u have heard of these course that was held in the Mines resort recently? A 2 days and 1 night course? Well…it’s a course about the 7 Habits of the Highly Effective Teenagers by Sean Covey organized by the company FranklinCovey. The next time u guys see a newspaper ad about this course…please, please, please do go for it! Trust me, as a teenager, we do face a lot of problems…peer pressure especially, problems with parents and the list goes on…then we curse our life…

Aint it the truth? Well…this course here is to help us straighten up our messy life. Now, practising these newly found habits wont be easy…it takes some certain courage and determination to do it. Let me then introduce u to the first habit: Habit 1: Be proactive! Being proactive means..we have the choice to choose whether to react to the other response. Say, when ur mom scolds u…the first thing most of US do is…scold back rite? Well, being proactive u must first PAUSE. Then u THINK and then u DO( that will be ur response). U must always pause urself when u feel like blowing up. Then u think of the right response to give.

Well, that’s proactive. Trust me, u will feel a lot better if u can avoid conflict anywhere. With ur parents, with ur friends, ur gf/bf and many more. I wish I can tell u more about this but I am feeling very hungry now…it’s time for my dinner. So pls…remember when u see an ad in the newspaper about this course…dont hesitate to join it. It’s worth it. Trust me, from a teen to a teen. Okie..ciao then. Me hungry!! Byeee!!

From,

Adam.

Hi everyone!!

I am just a normal guy here with some time to waste on writing my thoughts…rather than studying! Lol! Just kidding…i am a good boy…will write when i can. So just wait for me to update u!! See ya!!